into the 16th grade.

snapshot

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 21:20:00 -0400

“…lastly, i think i take everything too seriously. most of all, i think i take myself too seriously. it’s more than just thinking too much. i have a hard time believing that someone can know all of me and still love me. that i can be such a brat to someone and they can still sit and listen to me whine and cry. that a love exists that can cover a multitude of sins. and it is that disbelief that shows me what an immature grasp of the gospel i have. which prevents me from embracing the love and grace that the gospel offers. and then i am ineffective in reflecting that christlike love and grace. in maximizing myself, im minimizing christ.

i hope youre right and i hope it does get better outside of penn. i want to go live on a farm for a bit and live kind of like an indentured servant. i think the time away would do me some good……. but then again am i just trying to escape?

ive said this before but… where do you run to escape from yourself?

[salvation is here.]

omgosh those are lines from switchfoot HAHA -___-”…”

toooooo much happening at once. not enough time to process, not enough time to enjoy regret dwell...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 01:07:00 -0400

toooooo much happening at once.

not enough time to process, not enough time to enjoy regret dwell embrace apologize

reflect

just not enough
time

consistency. incredible power in consistency.

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 01:36:00 -0400

consistency.

incredible power in consistency.

nowhere to run… bc in the end you’re still running.

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 15:08:28 -0400

nowhere to run… bc in the end you’re still running.

leaving for west virginia in a few hours… whats on my mind?1. wish i read up on tough mudder...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 11:16:55 -0400

leaving for west virginia in a few hours… whats on my mind?

1. wish i read up on tough mudder earlier than just now. HAHA whooops…http://www.gq.com/how-to/rest-of-your-life/201211/fighting-weight-tough-mudder#slide=1
2. wish i were katniss everdeen. or had the foresight to prepare to dress like her.
3. i just want to cross the finish line in one piece, injury free, acts of terror free
4. CANT STOP THINKING AWESOME POST-MEAL OPTIONS.
5. gon need lots of prayer, dawgg…

excited for MSB’s teamwork and camaraderie!!! didnt know what i got myself into freshman year at hill… but wouldn’t have traded it for anything :)

wimpy mamba out.

it’s a pirate’s life for me.

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 00:21:10 -0400

it’s a pirate’s life for me.

오늘저녁에 우리엄마가 드디어 이해하기 시작했다고 자랑했는데 그게 전여아니었군. 참 실망스럽다. 오늘진짜 고무적인 날이었는데…

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 22:42:03 -0400

오늘저녁에 우리엄마가 드디어 이해하기 시작했다고 자랑했는데 그게 전여아니었군. 참 실망스럽다. 오늘진짜 고무적인 날이었는데…

an unconventional fling weekend's sobering thought

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 03:29:57 -0400

Wow. This could not have been written more for me. When I’m not distracting myself or even if I am, I’ve just been feeling very… Tearful. It’s been freaking me out just how strong and idiosyncratic these emotions are, but here is hope and reassurance that after this comes joy— not because hard work will make it worth it or because I have the willpower to consider my trials and tribulations pure joy [because i gots neither hahh]… But because just because. Because joy comes with reaping which follows sowing.

So sow I must.

Kobe came to similar conclusions… I think there’s something there too teheh…

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126:5–6)

There is nothing sad about sowing seed. It takes no more work than reaping. The days can be beautiful. There can be great hope of harvest.

Yet the psalm speaks of “sowing in tears.” It says that someone “goes forth weeping, bearing the seed for sowing.” So why are they weeping?

I think the reason is not that sowing is sad, or that sowing is hard. I think the reason has nothing to do with sowing. Sowing is simply the work that has to be done even when there are things in life that make us cry.

The crops won’t wait while we finish our grief or solve all our problems. If we are going to eat next winter, we must get out in the field and sow the seed whether we are crying or not. If you do that, the promise of the psalm is that “you will reap with shouts of joy.” You will “come home with shouts of joy, bringing your sheaves with you.” Not because the tears of sowing produce the joy of reaping, but because the sheer sowing produces the reaping, and you need to remember this even when your tears tempt you to give up sowing.

So here’s the lesson: When there are simple, straightforward jobs to be done, and you are full of sadness, and tears are flowing easily, go ahead and do the jobs with tears. Be realistic. Say to your tears: “Tears, I feel you. You make me want to quit life. But there is a field to be sown (dishes to be washed, car to be fixed, sermon to be written).”

Then say, on the basis of God’s word, “Tears, I know that you will not stay forever. The very fact that I just do my work (tears and all) will in the end bring a harvest of blessing. So go ahead and flow if you must. But I believe (I do not yet see it or feel it fully) — I believe that the simple work of my sowing will bring sheaves of harvest. And your tears will be turned to joy.”

“Talking to Your Tears”

much of pain is self-inflicted.

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 09:40:11 -0400

much of pain is self-inflicted.

expectations come from the devil.

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 08:36:17 -0400

expectations come from the devil.

my two loves :)

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 10:17:52 -0400

obsessed with this:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ciarapavia/the-art-toast-project-teaches-us-that-its-okay-to-9umb

The Art Toast Project consists of edible remakes of major works by famous artists, using a piece of toast as the canvas. The idea was based on the literal interpretation of “food art” and the desire to make art more accessible.

Why? (you may ask) BECAUSE IT’S FUN!
The Creator Ida explains, “It has become a creative outlet for me to play with healthy ingredients and my favorite meal, breakfast.”

The Main Aim: to make tasty AND good looking meals

Edvard Munch

Frida Kahlo

Salvador Dalí

Jackson Pollock

Henri Matisse

Rene Magritte

Claude Monet

Andy Warhol

Vincent Van Gogh

10.

Edvard Munch

11.

Andrew Wyeth

12.

Whether I want to love you or not, whether I want to obey you or not, whether I want to ask for your...

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 18:05:21 -0400

Whether I want to love you or not,
whether I want to obey you or not,
whether I want to ask for your grace and mercy… or not.
I need you.

2 Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.

—Deuteronomy 8:2-3

p.s. thanks for using this sister to speak truth into my life when im to deaf to hear you myself.

i thanked my struggles the other day. today, i curse them. the struggle can still be redeemed. but...

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 19:52:00 -0400

i thanked my struggles the other day.

today, i curse them.

the struggle can still be redeemed. but the sin cannot.

i curse my sin.

but i am so jaded by the struggle.
probably because my pride has made me try to kill my sin with my own strength. it hasn’t worked. i need godly strength. my pride keeps me from asking for it, relying on it, drawing from it.

lamentations 3:17-33

manna

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 02:29:00 -0400

it’s been so long.

that statement can mean a lot of things.
today i just want to reflect on this:

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13, ESV)

Love.

It all comes back to Love. We are taught and shown love at a young age, whether we watched it between our parents or felt it from our families.

Then maybe if you’re lucky enough, you’re fed the Gospel. You are confronted by this God who “so loved ithe world,1 jthat he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not kperish but have eternal life. (John 3:16, ESV)”. Right? Right. Wherever your heart is at that moment, He meets you where you are. That Love should still touch you if he is to begin a good work in you.

But what if you don’t have an earthly manifestation of that Love to draw from? People are imperfect, and even God’s people can be born into broken homes or be subject to human parenting/familial context. If you didn’t experience that Love growing up, you could be at risk for a lot of what I reservedly call “daddy issues”, or basically anything that can fill your heart in that hole that was meant to be filled. Generally, it can manifest as a whole slew of attention-seeking, acceptance-yearning, security-in-other-things-placing behavior. Really unhealthy stuff.

Even if you grew up with that Love, it doesn’t mean you are immune. It just may have been more natural for you to apply that love you’ve seen before to the knowledge you have of God’s Love. If you felt you always had to earn someone else’s love growing up, you might have a harder time believing that such a Love exists—Love that knows you, all of you, and still Loves you and all your… rottenness. You might glaze over this part and still grow in other ways, but at the root of your heart is this disconnected wire that cannot fully accept the Love. Thus, you cannot Love yourself. And you cannot abide in the Love. Forgive in the Love. Live in the Love.

I’ve been struggling a lot. I would even go so far as to say my faith is being tested. For years now, I’ve been able to ignore and leave this issue at bay. This good news that such a perfect Love exists was so baffling to me— too good to be true for a wretch like me.

It’s okay to be humbled this way, but you mustn’t forget to complete that thought. Too good to be true… but IT IS TRUE. It is true. It is true. All my life, I’ve “accomplished” tasks on the principle that if you work hard for what you want, you will get it. Another starkly humbling lesson: you can never earn these things. Even faith, even hope, even love is God given.

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small,
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

[Okay I know I said I was just going to say one thought but I swear all this is connected.]

We are actually all messed up. Some are better at hiding it, some are just blind to it. The root of our darkness is the same, but it manifests itself differently in different people. So then I started to think… Maybe just maybe the fact that my manifestations are more real and outward to me— could be a blessing. Because otherwise I might still be blind. Maybe this wrestling is a sign that a good work has been started in me (Philippians 1:6). And then maybe, just maybe, his power will be made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). I just need to accept that his grace is sufficient for me.

I had heard before someone say that if God could redeem this person’s struggle and use it to glorify his kingdom, it would be worth it. I thought to myself, ‘Easy for her to say— her sins weren’t necessarily her fault— a product of situation, rather. Not anything like my situation.’ I never once even considered the thought that my self inflicted darkness could ever see light, let alone be considered blessings.

Miracles happen.

Faith. Hope. Love.

*disclaimer: this word regurg is ironically the easier part. true boldness and courage is the ability to spit these truths back to the devil.

mm.

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 15:40:28 -0400

mm.

to the person following me in private and liking things in private… i notice you. who art...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 20:07:47 -0400

to the person following me in private and liking things in private… i notice you. who art thou?

wedding cheese

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 17:25:31 -0400

1.Grand Brie: A mild flavoured, soft white mould cheese with a creamy flavour.

2. White Rock with Cranberries:White veined blue cheese with added cranberries and natural fruit essences. A lovely combination of sweet fruits and tangy blue cheese. A great favourite in the tasting room at the farm!

3. Blue Rock: A full fat blue veined award winning Roquefort style cheese, with a rich flavour and firm yet creamy texture.

4.Vintner’s Brie: A traditional recipe, full flavoured, soft white mould cheese with a creamy ‘mushroom’ flavour. This Brie will ripen from the outside towards the center. This cheese is ideal for cheese boards and cooking.

5. Roydon: A Camembert made from a secret hand-crafted traditional recipe, is another award- winning cheese in the Fairview selection.

6. Paarl Granite: Basic cheese recipe is based on Reblonchon style cheese with added vegetable ash. The Reblochon style cheese is a Semi Hard cheese, the aroma of the cheese will be yeasty/moldy and slightly pungent. It has a moist, smooth and supple fatty palate?. The flavour opens in the mouth, leaving a slightly nutty aftertaste.

7. Traditional Camembert: A mild white rind cheese with a soft texture and creamy mushroom-flavour; our Camembert is made the traditional way which allows it to soften and develop in flavour as it matures.

8. Crottin: A rich and flavourful white mould cheese, made from a 100% goats milk.

“How many brothas fell victim to the streetsRest in peace, young nigga, there’s a Heaven for a ‘G’Be...

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 17:19:00 -0400

“How many brothas fell victim to the streets
Rest in peace, young nigga, there’s a Heaven for a ‘G’
Be a lie, If I told you that I never thought of death
My niggas, we the last ones left
But life goes on…..”

—t.a.s.

RIP.

Why do you blog?

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 00:20:56 -0400

I asked this to someone recently… Only to have it asked back to me. I’m sure I gave whatever answer I thought best at the time… But now as I lie in bed (when I should be sleeping so I can wake up for clinical tomorrow!!!) my answer is not as simple.

I just read through my dashboard and was stumbled, encouraged, convicted, turned off, and challenged. All by different posts.

I wonder which one mine would fall under.

Why don’t I care more?
Why don’t I care less?

I think I lost where I was going with this… Point is: there is no point to my blogging. Yet, there is still bias in what I decide to make public and what I post on my private tumblr.

Ill never forget the day my sister rebuked me for how incongruent my blog posts were with my actions. I have since blocked her from my tumblr and still think how she said it was wrong (LOLZ) but she had a point. A point I keep in mind with every post.

I really enjoy reading some people’s posts. Sometimes (ill be honest not everybody’s and not always) they are super encouraging and it is always beautiful to hear how he works in other people. There was a time when I used to blog not for myself. And I think that’s the wrong kind of vulnerability… Another thing I always think about before hitting the post button. Who is meant to read this? What is this meant to mean to whom?

I think my favorite blogging style, like all things I like best, is one that just is. There is something so genuine and honest and beautifully vulnerable in just raw reflection meant to just word vomit all over the page. Like you don’t care if who reads it is blessed or entertained or thought provoked or not because you were and you are and you just have to write it down so you won’t forget.

But then again… Are we meant to be more intentional with our words especially those that are written/typed/published?

Boo… Well I was never one to be good at articulating or filtering my thoughts whooops :x

people.

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 20:31:00 -0500

and yet, people.

the kind that restore your faith in all things good…

the kind that make it easy to love those who are not as easy. including yourself.

“good people”
you know them. the kind of person you hang out with and that person leaves and you turn to your other friend and you say, “that person is ‘good people’, na mean?”

dont be fooled by the actor trying to be good people.

na mean?